shared the following letter with my good friend Ben Boxer who suggested
that I post it. I did not write it with that intent, but his contention
that an audience for it exists here has led to the posting.
Dear Young Friend ... I was delighted at your response to my recent e-mail. However, I detected some uncertain- ties that you are experiencing. You asked me for some personal experiences which I shall try to give you. First of all, while you are just a youth, I am a very old man, 77 years of age. I've had much experience in life, and subsequently in sex. As a young boy I discovered the joys of materbation--I believe even before I was physically able to have an orgasim. Then there was frequent experiences with neighbor boys. Which consisted of mutual materbation. Con- tests on who could come first, etc. Then at the Jr. High stage I had a classmate whom I met every Saturday afternoon at his home. We would pull our pants down and lift our shirts, and proceed to pump off on each others stomachs. At about 16 I had an experience hitch hiking when a young man (I thought him quite old) took me up to the hills and blew me. Thereafter I allowed a number of men to blow me and I did nothing in return except cum. In San Diego during World War II I met a sailor my age. We both had an awakening reaction to male love. When he shipped out I found several other sailors with whom I had varing degrees of exchanges of affection and sex.
All during my twenties from time to time I met someone with whom to react. And at 28 I found a lady whom I wished to marry and did so. I was under the mistaken impression that once I married "this foolishness" would pass away. Strangely enough, it didn't. I was married for 25 years, had two children, and from time to time I met other married men of similar bent, and we had sex. But during the last three years of my marriage I finally realized that I was completely gay, and that that was the course I should follow. My wife, who by then was aware of my inclinations, agreed to a divorce.
Since then I have been (up until five years ago) quite active. Taking sex where I could find it. Sometimes with a young man who moved in for short periods, and sometimes just bam bam thank you mam. I lived in San Jose which is 50 miles south of San Francisco. I lived there off and on for 40 years, so I had lots of acquaintences and lots of opportunities to meet and interact with lots of people.
Five years ago I moved to a town 90 miles east of San Jose/San Francisco. I bought a home here and have lived quietly since. For 15 years I've had a young nephew who has lived with me. We are regular homebodys except when we go to San Jose or S.F. to see friends. About a year ago, a friend, living in San Francisco wanted to get out of there and moved in with us. You know him by the name of Ben Boxer. In my office room we have computers side by side. We are good friends, but our tastes are completely different. He has been quite active in connection with his Silverfoxes Clubhouse which is located at http://www.silverfoxes.org. Kris and I have contributed Locker Rooms to the Clubhouse. (My two are already there, and Kris in "Young Man With Balls" will be posted this week.) We are both gay, but my nephew likes young men his own age, and I just like young men!
I hope that I'm not boring you, but you asked, and I'm trying to answer. Now I shall speak of my reactions down through the ages of my time. I was in a very religious group from my early childhood on. I experienced tremendous guilt from masterbation. I prayed and fasted and tried to abstain all to no avail.
I must tell you that while I believe I was born homosexual I have never been interested in "gay life" per se. I have never frequented bars, or sought out the association of obviously gay people. Not that I have anything against them, it's just that it was not my way. I have always fostered fellowship with straight friends, and since my marriage with lots of married couples. Never have I disclosed my orientation, nor do I evi- dence characteristics thought to be gay. I've shared my gayness with a very few trusted friends, though, and have total accept- ance from them.
Now about you. How long have you known of a certain inclina- tion toward men? Obviously you are attracted to older men, as your participation in this web site would indicate. When you say old to you mean 50s or 60s or don't you set a limit? Is your question or reluctance due to religious or cultural taboos? Or are you of the opinion that you can take "gay" or leave it alone? I am really interested. I don't wish to pry or to overstep the boundries of your proprieties, but I would like to continue this discussion with you. I hope you are of the same opinion. I know that you are in a period of flux, and you are seeking some solution to your dilemmas. If I can be of help I shall be delighted to be. If you wish to discontinue this probbing just say so and I will not press my acquaintence or opinions on you.
I can look back over the years and see some of yourself in me. I know that you want and need answers. I shall pray that you find them soon so that you can get on with living without the stress of sexual dilemma.
Your Would-Be Friend,